Infernal Machine and Miss Potts
by VictorianChik
Summary: Movie-Verse. A bizarre story where Tony acts recklessly, and his overbearing computer system and Miss Pepper Potts demand answers. Warning: Spanking of an adult, very angsty and severe.
1. Chapter 1

This was supposed to be a one-shot, but I may continue it. I was awake with a migraine last night and I found myself trying to remember what happened in I_ron Man_. The movie hasn't come out on DVD yet, and I went to watch clips on youtube this morning, and I loved the way Tony Stark talked to his computer and the way it responded to him. And I really liked his relationship with Pepper Potts. I have no idea where this crazy story came from – blame it on the migraine.

Warning: Spanking of an adult by very unusual circumstances. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE, AND DO NOT REVIEW. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of this.

--

Tony wasn't sure exactly what went wrong – one minute he was flying back to his house and the next minutes the computer system went crazy. Jarvis usually was mostl helpful, but after getting a shot a few times, the computer wasn't its normal happy self.

All right, if Tony had to be honest, it was more than a few times. He had been shot forty-two times, tiny bullet dents all over his Iron suit, when he tried to bust a drug deal. Jarvis had warned him of the danger, but Tony had pushed on through the rain of bullets and knocked out all the thugs.

And it would have been all right except that the last thug to go down had whipped out a semi-automatic and fired tow direct shots at Tony's chest, striking against the arc reactor and jarring the electromagnet in his chest just a tad. It hurt, but he had enough strength to wipe out the thug.

Then Jarvis had ordered him to go home. "System crisis," the computerized voice had declared. "Return to base. System crisis."

"I'm fine," Tony had told the computer. "I just need to contact the police –"

"Return to base immediately," Jarvis told him.

No matter what Tony tried to do, the computer repeated the same message over and over again. Frustrated, Tony finally turned the suit towards home, ready to shred the suit to pieces and permanently turn Jarvis off.

As he neared his home, dusk has permanently set in, and Tony wondered if he would have time to fix the suit and head out again to prevent more crime before it got too late.

He landed in his workspace, wondering for the umpteenth time if he should build another garage to store his very expensive cars. He had already ruined one testing out his suit, and he was determined not to wreck another with some computer screw-up.

The moment he landed on cement floor, Tony should have known something was wrong. His main computer was blinking rapidly, the multiple screens flashing, and the dummy was hovering close, anxiously searching for any sign of fire.

"I'm all right,' Tony told all the machines. He slowly trudged to the place where the machine would remove the suit from his body. He locked his boots into place and held his arms out.

The machine moved warily towards him, the pieces buzzing softly.

"What?" Tony demanded. "Get this thing off. I'll make corrections, get the bullet marks out of the suit _again_, and that's it. Get to it."

"My records now show a 62 carelessness in execution," Jarvis told him as one arm of the machine lifted away his headpiece.

Tony blinked and shook his sweaty, dark head of hair, wanting his arms free so he could brush it back from his face.

"That is up from last week with 54 carelessness," Jarvis continued, his voice now coming from the main computer. "You are taking unnecessary risks."

"Comes with the game," Tony replied. "Take off the rest. Chop, chop, get to it."

"Negative," the computer replied.

"Huh?" Tony said blankly. "What do you mean negative? I have to get out of this."

"Negative," Jarvis repeated. "You must learn to be more careful."

"Look, I'm the creator," Tony felt irritated. "I built you, I tell you want to do. You cross the line with me, and I take a chainsaw to you."

"You build me as a safeguard," the computer replied without emotion. "I am here to protect and serve, but always to protect. Commence with discipline training."

"What?" Tony demanded. "What does that mean?"

The mechanical arms came down to grab his wrists, holding them like vices.

"What the hell?" Tony roared.

Another arm pushed an empty work cart in front of him, and to Tony's increasing horror, the arms grasping his wrists pulled him forward, forcing him to bend his torso over the cart.

The suit, always heavy and awkward, now was like a prison as he couldn't move his feet or arms. Panicking, Tony craned his head around to shout at the computer, "Abort! Abort! Power down."

"Negative," came the automatic reply. "Preparing subject for discipline."

Tony felt the metal back part of the suit lifting away, baring his boxer-clad rear. He always wore boxers, a wife-beater, and socks inside the suit, but now he wished he had another Iron suit inside the original one. He had no clue what the machine planned to do to him, but there were plenty of devices for torturing nearby: screwdrivers, drills, blow torch, pliers –

Tony squeezed his eyes shut. "Please don't hurt me," he whispered. "Please, please, just let me go."

"Beginning sequence," Jarvis said.

Tony held his breath, his heartbeat pounding in his ears. Nothing happened yet, nothing, nothing – wham!

He would have jerked forward if he could have gotten out of the suit, but he could not do anything except gasp. Something very hard had hit his rear.

He managed to look behind him far enough to see a mechanical arm holding a thin slab of board, something from the workbench, and the arm was pulling back for another swat.

"No!" Tony yelled, but the arm swung the board into his bottom again.

Oh, that hurt so bad!

"Ow, you're hurting me," Tony hollered. "You're supposed to be protecting me."

"You have been careless," Jarvis replied. The board struck again, and Tony gave a yelp. "You have ignored personal safety. This sequence will ensure that does not happen again."

"That's the last time I ever hook you up to the internet," Tony declared. "You're not getting any more ideas. You're going to be destroyed, you freakin' Matrix, Terminator, perverted piece of crap. I'm the human – I control you and – Ow! Damn it, stop right now. Ow!"

"Negative," the computer replied after the board hit him for the fifth time. "The end of the first repetition. Now beginning again, to continue for nine more circuits."

"Nine more?" Tony tried not to freak out. "Nine more swats? Or nine times five? You can't hit me forty-five more times, you freak."

"Beginning again," Jarvis repeated.

Tony squirmed and wiggled inside the suit, but he could not get out. The board struck him again and again and again, slamming five more perfectly-aimed swats into his helpless backside. Tony blinked, trying to soothe his smarting eyes, and he held his breath, praying the computer would only deliver four more and then let him go free.

"Please, please, please," he whispered under his breath.

"Beginning again," the computer announced, "for eight more circuits."

"No!" Tony tried to thrash inside the suit. "No, it's not fair. You can't hit me forty more times. Let me up, you –"

He began to swear avidly, using every awful word he had ever heard before. But his cursing had no effect on the computer or that damned arm which began paddling him again, laying five more searing swats on his bottom. His boxers offered no protection, and Tony howled at the end of the sequence.

"Please!" he pleaded. "Come on, I'm begging."

"Beginning again, seven more circuits."

"Just a sec," Tony tried to reason with the machine. "Let me just have a second. I need time to pull myself together. I can't – Ow! No, I'm not ready. Let me just – Owwww! One second!"

Another five without the least bit of concern about his poor bottom, and Tony felt tears gathering in his eyes. A beating from a foe he could have taken, but this relentless pounding was shattering his nerves because he couldn't even try to fight back. Hell, he couldn't ever think as the machine broke him down, one blow after another.

"Beginning again, six more circuits," Jarvis told him.

"Aagghh!" Tony bellowed. "Come on, hit me somewhere else."

"Discipline in another place could cause serious harm," Jarvis told him.

"So it's okay to turn my ass in ground beef?" Tony shouted back. A sharp swat was the only answer the computer gave him.

A single tear rolled down Tony's nose and dropped to the floor below. He sniffed and wondered how he would manage the rest of the swats.

"Tony?" a female voice called out as heels began to click on the stairs.

"Pepper?" Tony lifted his head. Relief flooded over him. "Pepper, in here. Come quick – come help me."

Pepper Potts dashed down the rest of the steps and ran into the work area, concerned. "Tony, what –" she stopped at the sight of him, bend over the cart with the mechanic arm swinging the board into his rear.

"Oh, Tony," she shook her head, "is there no level you won't sink to? This has to be the worst thing I've ever caught you doing."

"Agh!" Tony cried out as the machine swatted again.

"I can't believe you're getting spanked by your own machine," Pepper crossed her arms. "You need help, you really –"

"For God's sake," Tony roared, "turn it off! Turn it off! I can't take it any longer."

Pepper took two quick steps forward. "What do I do?" she asked, finally realizing that Tony did not want to be in the position that he currently occupied.

"Turn the computer off," Tony gasped.

She rushed to the computer as the machine finished up the circuit and started on the fifth. "What do I do?" she glanced over the huge computer and all the screens. "There're buttons everywhere. Oh, Tony, that sounded like it hurt."

"It did," he yelled. "The plug – pull the plug out of the wall."

Pepper scrambled to the wall only to report, "There're a dozen cords going into the wall, but none of them end in a plug. Is there a switch somewhere I can turn off?"

"Yeah, on the wall over there," Tony jerked his head toward the opposite wall, and then his whole body jerked with another swat.

As fast as she could move in her high heels, Pepper ran for the wall and pushed the giant switch down. The lights went out, plunging the room into darkness. But then a whirling sound started, and back-up lights shone from the ceiling and the computer lights and screens flared brightly.

"What?" Pepper said, but Tony whispered,

"It's all on generator. But maybe that tricked the computer into stopping."

He held his breath, and Pepper froze, afraid to breathe.

The mechanical arm behind Tony had stopped with the board pulled back, not moving. But then it swung forward and hit him again.

"No!" Tony wailed.

"Beginning sequence again, restarting fifth circuit," the machine announced.

Tony let his head drop hopelessly as his punishment continued.

"I'll break it," Pepper declared. She snatched up a wrench and ran towards Tony, swinging out at the machine. She struck one of the arms, and then the board swung at her. She jumped back just in time, but Tony bellowed,

"No, no, it will hurt you. Stay back."

"I'm not leaving you," Pepper's voice was high and frantic. "I'll call the police."

"And tell them that my own machine has turned on me?" despair filled Tony's voice. "Go, just – just go, Pepper. I don't want it to start over. Ow," he whispered over the next swat, too broken to cry out loudly.

"I'm not leaving you," she said with determination. "You – demon machine! – when are you going to stop?"

"Completed fifth circuit, beginning fourth," came the reply.

"How many –" Pepper looked at her boss, his head hanging limply, the rest of his body held tight in the suit.

"Twenty," Tony whispered.

"Then get it over with," she ordered the machine. Stepping in front of Tony, she gently lifted up his head, resting her strong fingers under his jaw. His face was wet with tears, and she softly brushed them aside.

"It's going to be okay," she assured him. "I'm here – I've got you."

He exhaled haggardly, and then the swatting started again.

Pepper flinched with every stinging blow that slammed into her boss, but she never let go of his face.

Tony tried to hold himself together manfully, but around swat twelve he lost the battle, and when the machine got down to swat ten, he began to sob loudly.

Tears filled Pepper's own eyes, but she kept brushing away his tears and hushing his loud cries. The last five were particularly hard for poor Tony, and the moment the machine finished the last one, Pepper ordered,

"You're done. Enough. He can't take anymore. Let him go."

She waited, feeling rage building inside her. If the machine did not let Tony go, she was ready to pull it apart with her bare hands.

"Discipline completed," Jarvis announced. "Further carelessness will result in more sequences."

"You were being careless?" Pepper glanced down at Tony. "Why were you being careless?"

Before he could reply, the arms began to remove the Iron suit. A moment later, Tony stumbled forward into Pepper's arms. She held her arms around his sweaty body, feeling him tremble and cling to her desperately.

"This isn't over," she promised the computer before she turned her attention to the man in her arms. "Come on, Tony, let's you get you into bed. Hold onto me."

He groaned, but he began to limp slowly towards the stairs, leaning on Pepper who braced him with both arms and talked to him slowly as they moved.

"Almost there," she encouraged at they reached his bedroom door after so many agonizing steps. "A few more steps to the bed. Here, let me pull back the covers. No, before you get into bed, take your boxers off."

He gave her a startled look to which she replied,

"I've seen you naked before. Remember Spring Break, Daytona, when I found you naked and passed out on the floor of the senior girls' hotel room?"

"I got lost," Tony groaned. "I was trying to find the door."

"In a piles of bikini bottoms? Likely story. Boxers down. I want to see the damage and if you need medical attention."

He moaned, but finally told her, "Turn around."

Obliging, she turned around. He gave a pitiful groan as he slid the boxers down and then flopped face-down on the bed.

Pepper turned back around and hissed between her teeth when she saw the battered state of his bottom. The machine had really done a number on him – his entire rear end and the back of his thighs were a blackish red, purple in some spots.

Pepper felt a wave of helpless rage wash over her, and then she felt furious at Tony for always making her feel the way she did.

"Why did the machine do this to you?" she asked sharply. "You created the machine, Tony – what made it do this?"

"I don't know," he sniffed into his pillow.

"Tony," she prodded.

"Go away," he begged.

"Anthony Stark," Pepper was stern, "you tell me right this moment or so help me, I'll add to your misery."

He pushed himself up a little to look back at her. "Pepper?"

"I mean it, right now."

He moaned and groaned, but she persisted and eventually he confessed, in broken sentences, that he had been shot at multiple times at close range.

"But the suit can take it," he protested when she said nothing, just stared at him ominously. "It can, it really can."

Pepper pressed her lips together, weighing her choices. "I think we need to have a long talk about this," she finally said. "But not now. Now you rest. Do you want some lotion?"

"No, don't touch it," Tony slumped into the pillow.

Pepper wanted to reply that she was not touching his ass at all, but instead she pulled the sheet up over his body to his shoulders. She reached for the comforter, and he protested,

"No, too heavy."

"You're shaking," Pepper replied as she drew the comforter up carefully over his rear. "If you get cold, you'll get sick."

He sniffed again and hugged his pillow with both hands. He looked so miserable, so vulnerable, so completely needy –

She sat down on the edge of the bed, not leaning on him, and she put one hand on the back of his head and began dragging her fingers through his damp hair. She rested her palm against the back of his neck and kept her fingers moving through his hair, helping him calm down.

"There, there," she soothed. "It's okay, you're going to be okay."

"Hurts," he whispered. He never complained about pain, and it tugged on her heartstrings even more.

She reached up to rub behind his ears, knowing how much he liked varying pressure, massaging deeply one moment and then lightening up to the softest of petting over his hair.

"Tony, Tony," she shook her head, "only you could create a machine that could literally kick your ass. With that magnet in your chest, you've got to be more careful."

He made no reply, and she kept scolding, her voice very quiet, barely more than a whisper. "You have so many enemies – you have to take better care of yourself. What if the suit hadn't held up against the gunfire? I can't be everywhere, always protecting you."

She softened her touch, patting her fingers against his head. "Please promise me you'll be more careful."

No reply came – he was fast asleep.

She looked down at him, that handsome face under the dark hair. For a moment, she wanted nothing more than to lean down and press her lips against his flushed cheek.

But she didn't. Instead, Pepper got up, careful not to disturb him, and tiptoed to the door. She left it open a few inches, enough to hear if he called for her. It wasn't even nine o'clock yet, but she was satisfied that he was down for the rest of the night. He had been sporting dark bags under his eyes everyday at the office, and she had come to his house to tell him to get some rest and not to go crime-fighting that night.

Pepper reached down to take off her heels. She would stay the night, in the guest room that he always kept ready for her on the nights they worked late and she spent the night rather than drive back to her apartment. Stepping on the wooden floor in bare feet, she headed back down towards the basement, wanting to get answers from the computer about why it had treated Tony so horribly.

It was rather an odd thought, demanding a computer account for its behavior, but as Pepper walked down the stairs, she supposed that was what happened when her boss was Tony Stark and Iron Man.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Finally got another chapter up. This is supposed to take place after the movie, but I've mixed in some comic canon, too. I promise to write more soon.

Disclaimer: I do not own.

--

Pepper eased down the stairs carefully, peeking her head into the training room. She heard a whirl of the computer, and she hesitated at the bottom of the stairs.

"Miss Potts?" the computerized voice asked.

"I'm here," she said tentatively. "What are you – what do you want with me?"

"Only to talk to you," Jarvis said. "Please come in and sit down."

She did, walking slowly and threatening, "You try to hurt me, and I'll scream so loud they'll hear me in space."

"I do not mean to hurt anyone, ma'am. The discipline sequences were for his own good as I will now prove to you."

A giant metal arm reached out, and Pepper jumped back with a gasp before she realized that the machine did not mean to hurt her. The arm pulled back a computer chair to let her sit down in front of the multiple screens.

Pepper sat, but objected, "I don't want to accidentally mess anything up. I'm good at computers, but just normal stuff, not a genius like Tony. So don't let me break anything."

"Not at all, ma'am," Jarvis said. "You do not have to touch anything. You will be watching several recent missions of Iron Man from his recent missions. Please feel free to look away if the images become too disturbing or simply ask me to abort screening."

Pepper frowned, wondering how disturbing the images could be.

The middle screen turned on, and the image turned to a soft blue with white streaks whizzing by. A moment later, she realized Iron Man was airborne and she was watching the sky. She felt slightly dizzy the way she felt that time when Tony had convinced her to join him on the flight simulator ride at the air base. Tony had loved every moment; Pepper had shut her eyes and prayed it would all be over soon.

The terrain jumped into view a second later on the screen, and the ground seemed to fly up at an alarming rate.

"Is he falling?" she demanded as more and more of the ground came into view.

"Yes, rather than using the thrusters to bring him slowly to the ground, he decided to free-fall straight down for a second. When cautioned against it –"

Jarvis fell silent as the microphone from the suit came on, a recording of his own computerized voice. "_Sir, you need to slow down._"

"_No,"_ Tony's recorded voice answered back, "_I like falling. Let's me know I'm still alive."_

Pepper's breath caught in her throat as she saw the ground below come up at an even faster rate. Just when she thought the camera from the suit would slam into the ground, Jarvis's voice interrupted, "_Overriding and initiating thrusters."_

The angle of the screen jerked up suddenly, and few seconds later the whole landscape began to bounce around as Tony made a very awkward landing. Pepper winced at the sound of metal thudding and banging over the hard ground.

The screen went blank, and she took a shaky breath. "Well, maybe, he was testing something new. I think that whole suit is dangerous, but you know Tony and his extreme sports and his dangerous death drive. There's no talking him out of it."

"Exactly, ma'am," Jarvis replied. "Which is precisely the reason I put him through the sequences tonight."

"I don't buy it," Pepper was stubborn. "One flight, one time – he's all bruised upstairs. You overdid it."

"Beginning new screening," Jarvis said.

For the next half hour, she watched clip after clip of Tony putting himself in danger or trying new tricks that made her stomach knot up as she watched. Over and over again she had to remind herself that Tony had survived all his stunts; he was right upstairs in bed, and the suit still stood in the middle of the room. No matter what she saw, he had survived.

The last clip showed the thugs shooting at Tony – Pepper froze when she saw how close the guns were. If the suit had not held . . .

"Enough," she whispered, looking down.

Immediately the screen went blank again, and Jarvis apologized, "I'm sorry if those images upset you, ma'am –"

"I'm only upset with one person," Pepper declared. She stood up and pushed the chair back under the desk.

"I know my methods may have been harsh, but . . ." the compute trailed off.

"No, I understand know. And I have a few ideas to share with you."

For the next few minutes, she talked with the computer, a disarming task mainly because she was not sure where to look when she was talking to it. She finally spoke to the main computer portal, guessing that was where most of Jarvis's brain stayed anyway. She hoped the longer she talked to the computer, the calmer she would become, but unfortunately the opposite proved true, and she got more and more upset.

"Thank you, Jarvis," she finally ended the talk.

"Glad to assist," the computer replied.

As she mounted the stairs, Pepper fought to push down her fury. Tony made her so angry at time, so reckless and careless and stupid and just plain moronic.

She deliberately turned away from the stairs leading to his bedroom and went into the kitchen. She began opening and shutting the cabinets, looking through the refrigerator and the freezer, noting that he had some food though she was not sure any of it was still fresh. She found herself shutting the cabinet doors harder than she needed to, trying to vent her frustration so she did not march into Tony's bedroom and whack him over the head with the cutting board for being so dumb.

"Stupid, stupid," she fumed under her breath. "Always acting like a teenager, playing with his toys while I worry to death. So sick of being his babysitter while he runs around without any thought to his safety – good grief, Tony, how much alcohol do you have?"

She shook her head at the rows and rows of glass bottles.

"I should send you to AA except you'd never go," she closed the cabinet, now mad that he would not go to something that might help him.

A few minutes later, she realized she had made two complete rounds of the kitchen and looked in every cabinet and drawer, a long task considering the size of Tony's kitchen. Pepper leaned against the counter to remember exactly what she had seen. He had enough food for breakfast tomorrow, but most of the food she herself had bought and put away in the kitchen. She had found several items that she had not bought, most notably a box of Dings Dongs hidden behind a box of organic cereal.

She found it amusing and a little cute that he would hide junk food in his own house, and she smiled before she could stop herself. Then she felt annoyed at smiling and even more furious at him for making her feel so conflicted.

After making herself some herbal tea, she went into the den to watch TV, trying to calm down before she went upstairs to check on him before going to sleep herself. It took a few minutes for her to figure out which of the seven remotes to use, and even once she got the TV on, she had to watch sports for a full six minutes before she managed to change the channels.

He had every channel known to man on the TV, probably over a thousand channels, which she found completely absurd for a man who never had time to watch TV. But of course he had to have every technology ever built or imagined.

Fortunately, she found something to her liking – a movie in New York where everyone dressed fashionably and spoke very fast. She forced herself to watch it and ignore her irritation.

The movie finally did end though she had no idea if the plot had been resolved, and she hit the buttons on the remote until the TV shut off. Walking softly, she made her way up to Tony's bedroom and peeked into the dark room.

He still lay in bed, on his stomach with the covers draped over his body, and she listened for his breathing. He moaned slightly, his hands going up to touch his hair the way he did when he was worried or in pain.

"Shh," Pepper left the door open for enough light to walk into the room. She went to sit on the side of his bed, whispering, "It's okay, Tony."

"Ow," he muttered, hissing slightly as he moved the smallest bit.

"I know," Pepper kept her voice barely audible. Now was not the time to start lecturing or scolding him – that could wait until morning. "You've only been asleep a few hours. Try to relax and get some more rest."

She expected him to argue with her, but he nodded into the pillow. "Are you staying?"

"Yes, I'm staying," Pepper replied.

"In here?" his voice held the tiniest ray of hope.

"No, in the guest room where I always stay," she frowned. "But I'll leave the door open in case you need me."

"I always need you, Pepper."

"I know. We'll talk in the morning," she put her hand on his head, stroking his hair again. "Go back to sleep."

"Not fair," he murmured as his eyes drifted shut. "You know you're my weakness."

"Hush," she replied in the no-nonsense tone that usually got him to do what she said, for a little while at least.

"'Kay," he breathed and said nothing as he relaxed into the pillow.

She continued to stroke for a few more minutes before standing up and tiptoeing out of his room again.

"Jarvis, please turn the lights off once I get in bed," Pepper said as soon as she entered the spare room. "And wake me up in the morning."

"Of course," the computer replied.

Pepper got into the soft pajamas that she kept in the top drawer of the bureau beside the bed. She climbed into bed and fell exhausted back onto the pillow. She was asleep in minutes.

--

Bright light greeted Pepper as she opened her eyes. She glanced at the clock beside her bed: 8:24. The curtains had been pulled away from the window – Jarvis's gentle way of waking her up. Tossing back the covers, she hurried to the bathroom for a quick shower before getting dressed and going downstairs. She heard the shower going in Tony's room as she went into the kitchen and started getting out stuff for breakfast. Once she had oatmeal thickening over the stove, toast browning slowly, and omelets sizzling in a large pan, Pepper got out plates and utensils from them.

Impishly, she took the box of Dings Dongs and hid them behind the detergent under the sink. Let him have to search for them.

She had just put the omelets on the two plates when she heard steps behind her. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw him standing in the doorway. He looked better than yesterday, now wearing a tee shirt, jeans, and sandals, his wet hair brushed away from his face. But his expression worried the most – vulnerable, wide-eyed, boyish, so needy she could die.

"Breakfast is almost ready," she said in a clear voice, turning back to her work.

"You didn't have to do that," Tony said in an uncharacteristically considerate voice. "You could have ordered in."

"I don't like to waste food," Pepper replied briskly. "Take a seat and I'll get the toast and oatmeal."

"Oatmeal?" Tony made a face as he headed towards the kitchen table and chairs. "I haven't had oatmeal since I was twelve."

"Then you're long overdue," Pepper yanked the toast out of the oven and shut the door.

Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw him pull out a chair and sit down. A millisecond later, he leapt up, wincing. Then he looked at her, worried that she had seen his reaction. She pretended that she had not, continuing to fix the food and ignore the ache in her chest. That look on his face, like he was worried that she might judge him because he felt pain, like he wanted to appear strong and stoic in front of hiherm, like he did not want her to worry about him – it tore her to shreds.

"Let's eat," Pepper put the two full plates of food on the table.

Still standing, Tony looked down at the toast, omelet, and oatmeal and opened his mouth.

"Complain and I'm leaving right now," Pepper warned.

"I wasn't going to complain," again with the wounded look, "I just was going to say I'm eating at the counter over there so I can check my phone messages –" he motioned the high counter and bar stools where the phone sat.

"You don't check your messages, I do," Pepper replied. "Now sit down and let's eat."

"I could have a really important message," he objected.

"Mr. Stark," Pepper brought her voice down a notch, "sit down."

He frowned and huffed once before lowering himself down on the chair, using his hands to keep him just off the chair.

"All the way," Pepper directed. "You have to be able to use your hands to eat."

"Not really," he stalled.

"Down."

He lowered himself all the way down and glared at her. "You're heartless."

"Indeed," Pepper was dismissive. "Now eat."

"Drinks! We need something to drink," he leaned forward to get up, but she ordered,

"Stay! I'll get our drinks."

He fell silent for a few second while she poured them glasses of ice water and orange juice, but then he blurted out, "I bet this is fun for you, considering it wasn't your ass on the line."

"No crude language at the table," she returned with their drinks.

"Who made that rule?"

"I did. You can swear all day long, but we're eating now," Pepper sat back down

"Hey, I'm the boss and I make the rules."

"Then you want to make your employee uncomfortable just so you can feel like the big man in charge?"

"Yes!" he declared, and then blinked. "I mean no, I just – wait, that was a trick question."

"Says the man that wants to trick every woman into bed with him," Pepper shot back.

"Not every woman," Tony insisted.

"Just the hot ones?"

"Yes!"

"Ah-ha," she smiled. "So you do want to be the big man in charge?"

That was the only to live with Tony – keep talking fast and firing off questions until he tripped himself up. Any other boss would have fired her for her smart mouth; Tony was just upset because he couldn't ever answer quick enough to stump her.

A stubborn creased his forehead. "Are you trying to get somewhere with all these questions?"

"Yes, it distracted you for several minutes of sitting down so stop complaining and eat."

"Cold as ice," he grumbled as he dug into the food. "Absolutely heartless-"

"Hello?" a voice called from the hallway.

"We're in here, Happy," Pepper called back.

Tony made a face at the mention of his assistant, Happy Hogan. "Get him out of here," he hissed.

"Behave," Pepper warned.

Happy came into the kitchen in his black suit, frowning. "Sorry, sir, I was waiting outside, but you weren't there. You said nine, sir, and –"

"I'm not going into work today," Tony pointed his fork at the nervous man. "I'm going to deal with Jarvis."

"The computer?" Happy asked. "Has it been misbehaving?"

"Someone has," Pepper smirked. "Are you hungry, Happy? I can fix you some breakfast."

"He can have my oatmeal," Tony offered.

"Eat it," Pepper said firmly.

"Oh, I'll just go get the car . . ." Happy looked very awkward. He kept glancing at Pepper uneasily, and she knew the man was wondering if she had spent the night with Tony Stark.

"Have my seat," Pepper stood up and took her plate. "I'll get you some food. Mr. Stark, please finish your food."

Grumbling, Tony stuffed several spoonfuls of oatmeal into his mouth. Happy sat across from him, definitely uncomfortable.

"Oatmeal or Pop Tarts, Happy?" she asked.

Cheeks bulging with food, Tony's face turned a furious red at her offering the assistant better food, but Happy answered, "Oh, I'll take the oatmeal. I try to eat healthily, you know."

"Don't say that – he'll ask for your liver in a few years," Pepper advised.

"That's it," Tony slapped down his spoon. "I'm going down to take care of that computer. You two stay up here."

He stormed out of the room. Happy looked up at Pepper.

"Oh, you're going to want to see this," she told him. "Let's go."

He jumped up from the table. "Is it downstairs where he keeps the cars? I've never been down there, but I want to see it. Does – does he keep the suit down there, too?"

"Yes, and most of the computer," Pepper told him as they hurried to the stairs.

They found Tony in the middle of huge work room, ducking mechanicals arms as he bellowed for the computer to cut it out.

"I'm the creator!" Tony bellowed as he dodged one arm and lunged for the work table. "You do what I tell you."

"As I explained yesterday, sir, everything I did was for your own good."

"What did he do?" Happy wondered out loud.

Tony whirled to face Happy and Pepper and pointed a blowtorch at them. "Tell him nothing! I will fix this."

They watched silently as Tony raced around the table and began jerked plugs out of the wall.

"That didn't work last night," Pepper called out.

"I'm trying something different," Tony yelled back. "But I'm not letting a machine beat me."

"Didn't he build the computer?" Happy glanced at Pepper.

"Shut up, Hogan," Tony snarled.

"Tony," Pepper reproved. "Oh, watch for the arm."

Tony fell to his knees as one metallic arm swung over his head, inches over his dark hair. He flung the blowtorch at the arm, but it just clanged off the solid metal and tumbled to the floor. Tony growled and ran at the table for another tool to use as a weapon.

"Sir, you must calm down," Jarvis intoned. "This extra stress is not good for the arc reactor. You should use this time to rest and recover from your injuries, both old and recent including those I inflicted upon you."

"The computer hurt him?" Happy's nose crinkled in confusion.

"Sort of," Pepper watched in concern as Tony climbed up in a chair and jumped into mid-air, wrapping his arms and legs around one of the biggest arms.

"Hi-ya!" Tony hollered as he karate-chopped the arm. Nothing happened to the metal arm, but Tony groaned at the pain in his hand as he still clung to the robot.

Another metal arm shot out to grab his ankle and pulled him from the other arm. Tony was held upside down by the ankle, furiously swinging back and forth to grab at anything.

"You must calm yourself," Jarvis insisted. "I will put you down if you agree to act calmly and rationally. You modified me to take better care of the suit, and therefore I must take better care of the man inside the suit."

"That's me, your creator!" Tony writhed back and forth, swing dizzily over the floor.

"Should we help him?" Happy asked, biting his lip.

"No, he got himself into this," Pepper crossed her arms.

"I apologize for this, sir," Jarvis said as another arm reached out to snag his other ankle. "But humans have a tendency to act in unhealthy ways at times, and I as told Miss Potts, it is my primary duty to see that no harms comes to you."

"Son of a – hey, what's that for?" Tony asked as another arm pulled over a small gurney bed. "I didn't bring that here."

"I had it delivered for an occasion such as this," Jarvis explained as two more arms came out to grab Tony's wrists.

Stretched out in the air, Tony craned his neck to look at the gurney that the arms were slowly lowering him on.

"What's it going to do with the stretcher bed thingy?" Happy asked, worried.

"Just wait," Pepper instructed.

The moment Tony's back hit the gurney, he began struggling with all his might against the arms. His resistance was futile; the arms held him down while two more came to tie him down, pulling the straps tight across his body. Then an arm grabbed a folded blanket, shook it out, and tucked it over Tony's body as he thrashed against the straps.

"We got to stop it," Happy insisted.

Pepper raised a hand to cover her smiling lips. "Just wait."

Four arms grabbed the corners of the gurney and lifted it into the air with Tony attached snugly to it. The arms began to move the gurney back and forth at a steady sway.

"That was my idea," Pepper could not help smiling even more. "Last night, I told Jarvis that the best way to calm Tony done was to secure him and then rock him like a baby."

Happy looked at her, eyes wide with appreciation and a little fear. "You're diabolical, Miss Potts."

"I try my best," Pepper grinned. She gave him a side look; he was not quite as uninteresting as she had always thought. Of course all men seemed rather dull compared to Tony.

"I'm going to melt you down and make thimbles," Tony seethed as he was rocked back and forth in gurney. "You are in for a world of pain."

"I'm a computer, sir," Jarvis returned. "I don't feel pain. Now just take long, deep breathes – there's a good human."

"Tony," Pepper called to her incensed boss, "we're going upstairs to finish breakfast. Do you want us to bring you some food later?"

"Traitors!" Tony yelled, trying to lift his head up far enough to glare at them. "You're both fired, effective immediately. Now get me out of here."

"But if we've been fired, should we be helping you?" Pepper replied. "Right, Happy?"

"Oh – uh, well, I – um," Happy stammered.

"See?" Pepper smiled again. "We can't do anything if we're fired. But if we both still had jobs –"

"You are going to be the death of me, Virginia Potts!" Tony shouted at her. "Yes, yes, you have jobs. You work for me, now and forever! Now talk some sense into this thing."

"Come on, Happy," Pepper stepped towards the computer. "Let's go save Iron Man from his own machine."


End file.
